I have lost the love of my life. I've taken a lot of time but I am not healing. Please help me

Oct 12, 2020

Usually you are told to take your time in a difficult life situation. Taking your time will heal your wounds. Although helpful to an extent, this is a very misleading advise. Can taking your time make it easier to lose someone you love? Can it make it easier to move on? To bear a huge financial loss? To let go of the marriage you invested in? To die? To be humiliated?

What did three decades of my personal life and twenty years of working across skin colours, genders and eclectic mindsets teach me? Taking your time never truly helps.

We have been getting it all wrong. Taking the time doesn’t automatically help you face life situations.

It’s not taking your time that readies you in life. It’s your ability to see the truth.

A little bit of time and distance helps every situation. But if you are aiming for emotional wisdom and real progress in life then time is not what helps you see the truth. Seeing the truth helps. Once you teach yourself to see the truth no matter how hard, the truth gives you the heart and the strength to take it. Time becomes irrelevant. I know this from personal experience.

From the age of 16, I began training myself to see the truth. Every day, at every stage and at every bend of my life I pray: show me the truth. Give me the eyes and the strength to see it as it is.

The beauty is that the more we train ourselves to see the truth, the more we open countless doors of possibilities.

This is why it’s wiser to invite truth. The truth about your loved ones. The truth about yourself. The truth about your work. The truth about this world. The truth about God. The truth about the truth.

It’s wiser to change your programming. Train yourself to see the truth. Don’t train yourself to take time.

Taking your time to see the truth often results in an irreplaceable loss. You take time to work out your ego, you lose a loving spouse who had been patient for 13 years. You take time to apologise, you lose a loving sister who nurtured you through the darkest moments of your life. You take time to undo your own internalised prejudices, you lose a loving child who supported you through thick and thin. You take time to work out your inferiority complexes, you lose a loving parent who saw you through. You take time to face your demons, you lose a true friend. You take time to see the truth, you lose an irreplaceable teacher who taught you to live life.

The world is hurling into unprecedented chaos. This chaos that's building is not just political, racial or even sexual. It’s existential. After being supported for eternity, right now Time is not our side. Every level of life is screaming for change. What is not screaming for change? Every dimension is saying now is not the time to take your time.

Time helps but only when used with your inner clarity.

Mahesh did not want to forgive his sister for marrying outside their religion. He loved his sister. She had supported him to become the man he is today, successful and happy. Despite such a strong bond, he did not have either the compassion or the perspective for his sister who was happy in her world.

When Mahesh began working with me he was proud of his ability to take his time for everything. He thought it was a good trait.

He mumbled new age nonsense to impress me. Then we got down to work!

Through his journey of private sessions with me, he unlearnt his complicated relationship with time. By dipping into his own inner clarity, he began to recognise where exactly one must take time and where one shouldn’t.

After a two year journey, Mahesh says 

“I learnt to take my time to love and that has changed everything in my life. Everything. Everything. All those places I thought no one can change have changed too. The gift of inner clarity is what I am passing on to my children. One day I want Udumbara Gesu to teach them to tap into it. This is real education. Rest is an expensive waste of time”.

Taking your time to grieve is wise but taking your time to see the truth isn’t.

Taking your time to observe a person you are attracted to, is wise. Taking your time to trust in love, isn’t. Taking your time to make love is wise. Taking your time to decide if your partner is abusing you, isn’t. Taking your time to mull over your mistake is wise. Taking your time to apologise isn’t. Taking your time to sit in nature is wise. Taking your time to decide if trees are crucial for our planet and future generations isn’t. Taking your time to live fully is wise. Taking time to wonder why you should live or love or celebrate isn’t.


Udumbara Gesu

A fan of your soul & its strength

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